Blinding Fog by tearsofher

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 4
Published: 16/03/2004
Last Updated: 17/03/2004
Status: In Progress

-one shot fic- She would be in that blinding fog forever, never reaching Harry. Never being able
to tell him how she felt, that she loved him with all that was within her. And she could almost
feel that crushing defeat that broke everything inside her..




1. Blinding Fog
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Blinding Fog

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one shot fic. I do hope you still review, though!

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Hermione stared up into the clear blue sky, inhaling the fresh air, and closing her eyes. She
could feel a faint sense of peace spread inside her; just being alone, nothing but the quietness of
the gentle breezes. She opened her eyes, and smiled slightly, although it did not reach her eyes.
Her mind drifted off, again, to a certain midnight-black haired boy with the most capturing emerald
eyes she had ever seen. She felt a rip of sadness cut through her once serene feeling, as she felt
the smile fade. She continued staring out into the sky, her mind locked on the boy who had managed
to capture her heart in his hands, not even having a slightest clue.

She had never told anyone; it wasn't something you brought up in a casual conversation,
especially when it was something of serious matter, one that was nothing to be kid about. Not to
mention she didn't really want to think of the kind of reactions it would invoke among her
peers, or even her best friend. But somehow, which was sort of ridiculous, to her, she hoped that
Harry would see it. See that she loved him deeper than anyone could love anyone in a lifetime. She
hoped that he would somehow would see underneath that fake exterior that she tried to play along
with-because they were just friends. And even if she would ever gather up the courage to say that
she wanted to be much more than that, she couldn't.

It was against everything, if there were any set of rules for friends. He obviously didn't
feel that way about her, which hurt her more than anything. Even if he sometimes would sit down by
her, when she was reading all alone in the common room, and she'd catch him just watching her.
Sure, for a moment, for a mere moment, she'd think that he'd at least have something in
there for her, besides the mutual feelings friends should have for each other. But when she'd
look up, he'd just smile and shake his head, chuckling, and she'd have curiosity churning
up inside of her, but she'd never ask. He was just laughing at her. Laughing at her for being
so stupid, for thinking for a second that he'd actually be in love with her.

And when she'd try to read his eyes when they'd catch each other's gaze sometimes,
he'd look away abruptly, but not before she'd see that there was something in them. There
was something that had flickered inside his deep green eyes, something that he hadn't wanted
her to see. But, fool as she was, she could never figure out what it was, even with the many times
she would watch him. She could never see what appeared in his eyes for that second when he looked
at her, as if he had constructed some kind of barricade, or shield. It was as if she was some kind
of blinding fog, that surrounded her, trapped her in, and no matter where she stepped, or the
distance she walked forward or east, she didn't know where she was going. She didn't know
where her destination was, only that it was where Harry was. But the thing was, she didn't know
where Harry was; she couldn't see him. But she could feel him; she could feel that he was
there, waiting for her, somehow. But she knew, in the end, she never got to him.

She would be in that blinding fog forever, never reaching Harry. Never being able to tell him
how she felt, that she loved him with all that was within her. And she could almost feel that
crushing defeat that broke everything inside her.. That sinking and crashing feeling when she
thought of Harry never knowing that she loved him. She wanted him to know, she did. But the honest
truth was, she didn't know how to tell him. She didn't want to tell him. She wished
fervently that he would just, someday, somehow, see right through her, and know how she felt.
Without her having to explain, without her breaking down in tears, trying to make him
comprehend.

She just wanted him to know, that there was someone else in the world that would give and do
anything for him.

But she just didn't know how to say it.

Of course, she had had her chances. There were times they were alone in the common room, the
fire providing flickering hazy yellow light. She would sit there, reading-or just pretending to be-
and him, just staring into the fireplace. She didn't know why he stayed with her, and why he
chose to stay with her even after the others had gone up and went to bed. She didn't. But her
hopes always persisted in her mind, that maybe he stayed because he might actually like being with
her, in that way. But of course, that was just wishful thinking, as reality finally dawned on her
that he probably only stayed because he couldn't sleep.. And he didn't want to stay in the
dormitory, staring up in the ceiling while the other boys' snores filled the room. So they
would just sit there, silent, with the sound of the crackles and sparks from the fireplace snapping
once in a while. She remembered she would constantly look up from her book, and stare at him. His
twinkling emerald eyes, his untamed jet black hair. He really was handsome, and he had always been,
in her eyes.

And she could still remember that sort of sinking, caving in feeling in the pit of her stomach,
when she remembered that one day he would find another pretty witch that stole his heart.. Just as
he had with hers. Then one day.. Getting married, and having a family. And she knew that she would
still long for him, love him as much as she did before. She could feel a slight frown on her face
when she thought of the possibility of her never being able to tell him how she felt.. She felt her
eyes sting with tears, as she blinked them back furiously. It really did hurt, deep down inside,
when she thought of him living on with his life, not knowing that she loved him.

She took a deep breath, as she wiped away the tears in her eyes. Her chest felt as if it were so
full with suppressed emotions that were just bursting inside of her. But the thing was, she
couldn't let it out. Not to anyone. Not yet.

Just then, as she sniffled, she heard the door open behind her. She turned, and saw Harry
walking towards her, a faint smile on his face. He came up beside her, as she turned back to the
sight.

“I was looking for you,” he said to her, softly. His deep green eyes were sparkling, underneath
the transparent lens of his glasses. “I thought I might find you here.”

Hermione sighed, as she tried to compose herself, trying to conceal every emotion she had just
let slip out.

“Yeah,” she said, her voice slightly wavering. Harry looked at her, trying to search her
expression, as she didn't turn to look at him.

“Is everything alright, Hermione?” He asked, concern in his voice. She smiled faintly.

“Everything's fine, Harry.”

“You can tell me, you know.” Hermione sighed, closing her eyes as a breeze passed through
again.

“It's nothing. Really, Harry. I'm fine.” He stared at her, watching her, trying to read
her expression. He couldn't help but tell himself again how beautiful she always seemed to
look.

He turned back to the scenery; clear blue sky.. The sun hiding where he couldn't see.
Hermione opened her eyes, as she felt a warmth erupt and spread through her, the butterflies in her
stomach returning. She took a moment to look at him, watch him, as his eyes stayed on the view,
before returning her own gaze to it.

“It's amazing.. Sometimes I forget that this kind of peaceful silence exists,” he said
quietly. She smiled, as Harry looked at her. Her brown eyes sparkled, as her hair was being blown
gently by the wind. He felt a breath cease in his throat.

“I know what you mean. I agree.” She turned to him, still smiling. “We all need this kind of
quietness once in a while.. Alone. A time to sort out all our thoughts and feelings, without any
distractions.”

There was silence, before Harry spoke again. His voice was calm and quiet, watching her.

“Am I distracting you?”

She smiled. “Don't be silly, Harry.”

“Well.. What do you think about, when you're out here?”

“All sorts of things.. You know, the future after Hogwarts. And well.. What I would like to have
in my future.”

“Like what?”

“Well.. Like, I'd like to have a good paying job that makes me happy,” she smiled. “And.. A
boyfriend, maybe,” she blushed. “And in a few years.. Get married, and start a family.”

Harry stared at her. “Well.. Do you have anyone in mind?”

“What do you mean?” She asked, still not looking at him.

“I mean.. You know, a boy you have your eye on.”

She turned a deeper red, as she thought of what his reaction might be if she told him the
truth.

“ I don't know.. Maybe not. Not right now.” Harry felt a slight disappointment deep inside
of him, but he didn't let it show. “Oh,” he said quietly.

“What about you, Harry?” She said, turning to him. “Any lucky girl you have your eye on?”

Harry grinned at her. “Yes.”

Hermione raised her eyebrow, as she felt curiosity but sadness and disappointment well up inside
her from his answer. She knew she shouldn't have asked; it wouldn't do her any good, except
to worsen the tear on the corner of her heart.

“Do I know her?” She asked. His green eyes sparkled even more brightly, as he turned his gaze
over to the view, before returning to her.

“I'd say you do.”

“Does she have a name?”

Harry's grin became wider, his heart beating wildly in his chest. This was it.. he was
finally going to tell her.

“Yes. It's-“

Suddenly Ron stumbled into the balcony, and Harry halted his words, feeling his heart stop,
frozen. Ron raised an eyebrow at both of them.

“Are you two coming back inside, or what?” He asked them. “Hermione, Lavender's asking for
you, and Harry,” he gave Harry a triumphant smirk. “How about playing a game of Wizard's chess
with me?”

Hermione looked at Ron, then at Harry, disappointed although she didn't show it. She smiled
at him.

“Maybe later, Harry?” She said to him, and he nodded, before she left, disappearing behind the
balcony door. Harry sighed, running a hand through his hair, staring after her. He mentally told
himself to keep it together, and his heart to stop beating so fast. Ron sent a curious look over at
him.

“You alright, mate?” He asked him, and Harry just merely nodded.

“I'll go wait inside,” Ron said, leaving Harry alone on the balcony. He sighed, turning back
to the view. He had missed another chance to tell her how he felt. Again. Maybe it just wasn't
meant to be. Maybe he just wasn't supposed to tell her. Maybe she just wasn't supposed to
know. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts.

That was nonsense. He had to tell her. She had to know how he felt about her, that he loved her.
So much that it hurt. He turned to walk back inside, but not without giving one last glance at the
clear blue sky.

He was going to tell her. He had to. Somehow.

He turned and walked back inside the common room.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The next night, Harry came down into the common room, relieved that Hermione was yet again
awake, and reading, accompanied by the fire. He sat beside her, as she raised her gaze above the
book, and smiled at him.

“Hi Harry,” she said softly. “Couldn't sleep?”

He smiled at her. “Never can.” He knew it was because he wanted to come down here and spend a
few more minutes with her, until he went to sleep. If he ever could, of course. Most nights he
would lie awake, thinking about her, and how beautiful she always seemed to him. He didn't know
if there was a reason he shouldn't fall in love with her, let alone one that prevented him from
falling in love with her. She was prefect. Absolutely perfect and nothing less, in his eyes.

He had made up his mind the other night that he would tell her. Tonight. He would tell her that
he loved her. If only he could sum up enough courage to do so. He had thought about how she would
react, and of course, what she would say. But the honest truth was, he didn't know. Maybe she
would remain cool, and collected. Maybe she would start crying and run away. Maybe she would be
angry and never speak to him again.

Or maybe.. Maybe she would tell him that she loved him too. But he doubted it, since there
wasn't a single sign that she returned his affections. Or maybe.. Maybe he just couldn't
see it. Maybe it was there, but he just couldn't see it. Maybe, somewhere deep inside, she
loved him too. He hoped terribly that whatever her reaction would be, that she would still speak to
him after. He didn't know what he would do if she never wanted to see his face or utter a word
to him ever again.

That would completely destroy him.

Hermione looked over at Harry, and became worried. He looked as if he was in deep thought, his
eyebrows creased, like he was arguing with his conscience. She quietly marked her page, and set her
book down.

“Harry,” she said, “is something wrong?”

Harry turned over to her, and smiled; every trace of worry or concern gone. “No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I'm fine, Hermione.” Hermione watched him some more, as he turned his gaze back to
the fire, and remained unwavering. She sighed softly, as she turned to look at the thriving flames
also. He was lying to her, she knew it. Only, she guessed he didn't know she could read him
like a book. Questions were swarming in her mind, her thoughts buzzing, her nerves humming.
Suddenly she noticed how close they seemed to be, and felt as if the room had suddenly gotten much
warmer. Her heart started pounding, as she let her gaze stay on the licking flames of the fire.

“Harry.. Why do you come down here?” She asked, her voice faint. He turned to her.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean.. Why do you stay here with me, when everyone's gone up to bed?” She looked over at
him, and smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. “And, if you couldn't sleep, wouldn't it
be better if you just stayed up in your dorm, lying in bed until you fell asleep?”

Harry turned away. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No, of course not,” she said. “I just.. I'm just curious, that's all.” There was
silence, as she just waited for his reply. Her heart sank when it was clear he didn't intend of
giving her one.

“You're not going to answer me,” she said sadly, almost inaudible. Harry pursed his lips
together; his gaze on the fire still, and steady.

“Maybe.. Maybe I like spending time with you. Maybe I like being with you,” he said quietly.
Hermione felt her skin suddenly tingle with buzzing warmth, her heart hammering and her breath
caught in her throat from his answer. He suddenly turned to her, and smiled sincerely, making
everything melt into an acidic fluid inside of her.

“I love you, Hermione. I always have, but these past years, it grew into something different.
Something stronger, something more intense.” Hermione felt her world swirl around her, as
Harry's eyes pierced through her very soul.

“I love you,” he repeated breathlessly. Hermione felt herself smile, as her vision became
slightly blurry with tears.

“Oh, Harry,” she said. But before she could say more, he had wrapped his arms around her and
kissed her. She felt herself give into his kiss deeply, as he kissed her passionately and
intensely, holding her close. She felt as if a holy, white light had filled her, healing all her
wounds, healing all her worries…

They pulled back slowly, as Harry smiled at her, looking so handsome, the firelight glowing
around him.

“I love you too,” she whispered. “More than anything in the world.” He smiled, as he pulled her
close again, leaning, as he brushed his lips against hers.

“Anything?” He asked her, grinning, as he prepared to give her another deep kiss.

“Anything.” And Harry kissed her once again, her mouth tasting so sweet and addicting.



